Planning your wedding, AND your marriage with pre-marital counselling on the NSW Central Coast

If you’re reading this, you’re probably planning your wedding. But have you planned your marriage?

Huh? Did you just read that right? Yes, yes you did. 

The compulsory pre-marital counselling that many religious groups insist engaged couples undergo before their big church wedding often conjures a little eye roll. But, hear me out, I believe there’s an awful lot of merit to the concept of pre-marital counselling, regardless of if you’re having a civil or religious ceremony.

I sat down with Central Coast based therapist and counsellor Antonia Jennings from Thinkful Therapy to find out more about pre-marital counselling and to be honest, I think it’s a very brilliant idea, and you might too when you read what she had to say. 

“A gym membership for your relationship”

Antonia Jennings, Therapist and Counsellor

Bec: What is pre-marital counselling? 

Antonia: Pre-marital counselling is an investment in your relationship before your lifetime commitment. It's like a gym membership for your relationship, you use it so you can be the healthiest, best version of yourself and for your partner.

Bec: How can it help strengthen the start of a marriage? 

Antonia: Coming to work with a counsellor prior to marriage helps you define your values and those you share together, it helps you talk through niggles you've had in the past and how you can prevent them in the future and it gives you tools and techniques to use after your big day so you don't hit the life hurdles without any warnings.

Bec: But engaged couples are so in love! Surely they don't need help, isn't it just for those on the edge? 

Antonia: Couples that are engaged have made a commitment to each other already but no-one has a crystal ball for the future.  Pre-marital counselling helps you to have a sneak peek into that crystal ball and work through future life scenarios so you're prepared for them before they happen. For those couples who have hit a bump, pre-marital counselling helps them overcome this and get back on track for being in love and ready for their big day.

Bec: What about couples who never argue, or know they have the same values? 

Antonia: I'd challenge that a couple that never argues isn't always a healthy couple. It's natural to have different opinions or different needs in our lives and not to always agree on them, how we manage that conversation is the key. A couple who have the same values is excellent and a great foundation to work from. What we do together is review those values from the present into the future. What life circumstances might change for them and what happens when one person's values don't align anymore? How are they planning to handle that? When would it be a non-negotiable moment?

Bec: Not all couples want a stranger 'prying' or 'judging' their intimate relationship, is this for them? 

Antonia: I feel that's the joy of a counsellor. I hold a space with absolutely no judgement, no sides to be taken, no opinions to be given. Couples can share as much or as little with me as they want during our sessions. Often if I feel the conversation is getting uncomfortable for someone I redirect it to an activity they can do at home so they're more comfortable. Couples therapy is not always about fixing something, it's about fulfilment and growth for both people.

Bec: What should couples expect, and how can they prepare for pre-marital counselling? 

Antonia: I normally have two to three sessions with couples for pre-marital counselling. Our first session explores their relationship to date, the highs, lows and everything in between. We open up what they're both looking forward to about marriage and what they may be nervous about. In the second session we work on some activities together focussed around communication, trust, expectations and, if relevant, intimacy. The third session works on their goals for now and the future, we map out their marriage and talk through some of life's major events that will come up and I share tools and techniques they might want to use when they do. After sessions I always provide them with a follow up summary of what we've covered, activities they can keep and any recommendations I have for them.

Bec: Where should Central Coast couples go if they're looking for pre-marital counselling? 

Antonia: I have an office in Umina Beach, so local couples don’t have far to come.

If you’d like your relationship to be in tip top shape before you get hitched, you can find out more about Antonia at www.thinkful.com.au